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Makestraightpaths.com examines the teachings of the religious
group variously known as “the Family,” “The Family International,” the “Children
of God,” or the “Family of Love,” and evaluates these teachings from a Christian
perspective. This page is one in a series on the 'Law of Love' and the Family's
sexual beliefs.
Marriage
Marriage is an enormous topic, and this web page does not
attempt to cover it in detail. Rather, this page briefly summarise the
main passages in the New Testament that mention marriage, in contrast to the
Family's teachings.
Personal relationships in the Family are briefly
described
here. Following is an excerpt from that page:
The founder of
the Family de-emphasised the institution of marriage from the early
days. Although marriage was never condemned, or even discouraged, Family
members are taught to see the marriage relationship as being subservient
to the relationship each individual member has with the Family as a
whole. Each husband or wife, therefore, promises allegiance to the
Family before their loyalty to their spouse. In many situations, if a
husband or wife considers leaving the Family, they know that it may mean
that they are also leaving their spouse and children. The principle of
the superiority of marriage to the Family as a whole over marriage to a
spouse is known as ‘One Wife’ after the title of an early teaching on
the topic. The application of this principle has resulted in numerous
divorces, separations and remarriages, and even a number of polygamous
relationships known as ‘threesomes.’ Many couples are not legally
married, although there are no statistics available, and even the term
‘mate’ is often used instead of ‘husband’ or ‘wife.’ The de-emphasis of
marriage means that there is little encouragement written on the
permanency of marriage. There are a considerable number of single
mothers in the Family, primarily due to two factors: the ‘One Wife’
doctrine, which justifies divorce and remarriage for a variety of
reasons, and the frequency of children arising from extra-marital sex.
Sexual fidelity within marriage is condemned as selfishness.
From
Relationships in the
Family.
Marriage is for life
In contrast to the
teachings held by the Family, marriage is intended by God to last for
life. Jesus did not condone divorce or remarriage. In fact, he said that
if a husband and wife divorce and then remarry, they are committing the
sin of adultery.
Matt 5:31-32
31 "It was said, 'WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A
CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE'; 32 but I say to you that everyone who
divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her
commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits
adultery.
NASU
The only justification
that Jesus gave for divorce is extra-marital sex. Even so, Jesus did not
condone divorce (or extra-marital sex). Rather, divorce is a terrible
thing that results from sin and results in more sin.
Mark 10:2-12
2 Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to
question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. 3
And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" 4
They said, "Moses permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE
AND SEND her AWAY." 5 But Jesus said to them, "Because of your
hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 "But from the
beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. 7 "FOR THIS
REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, 8 AND THE TWO SHALL
BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 "What
therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
10 In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this
again. 11 And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and
marries another woman commits adultery against her; 12 and if she
herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is
committing adultery."
NASU
(see also Matt 19:3-12).
Jesus taught that
marriage unites a man and a woman so that they "are no longer two, but
one flesh." This is a spiritual union, effected by God. In other words,
regardless of the personal decisions involved by the couple who decide
to get married (or the parents who arranged the marriage in ancient
times), at marriage God joins the couple together; he claims
responsibility for their union. God looks at divorce as an affront to
him. When a couple is married, God has joined them together, and if they
divorce they are actively working against God.
Again, remarriage is sin.
Jesus said that remarriage is the sin of adultery. In other words, God
considers the original marriage as the only valid marriage. The
original marriage partners are the only people between whom
sexual relations are legitimate. Jesus implied that God does not
recognise the second marriage.
Later,
Paul
commanded the early church members not to divorce.
1 Cor 7:10-13
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the
wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must
remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the
husband should not divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife
who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not
divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he
consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.
NASU
The Family overly
emphasises Paul's phrase "not I, but the Lord" in verses ten and twelve,
teaching that this was an indication of Paul's personal opinion, that
may be disregarded if necessary. However, this is not an accurate
interpretation of Paul's words.
The NET Bible explains in
footnotes:
Paul did not indicate
that he was merely suggesting a personal opinion, to be accepted or
rejected as his readers desired. To the contrary, he told his readers to
imitate him, because he was imitating Christ (1 Cor 11:1), and praised
them because they did do what he said (1 Cor 11:2). In 1 Corinthians
chapter seven, there are a couple of places where Paul made a suggestion
rather than issuing a direct command, indicating that these might be
instances that are open to interpretation according to the particular
circumstances. However, this does not include divorce or
extra-marital sex; both are unequivocally condemned. Less strongly
presented are the following: Married couples may choose to abstain from
sex for a "by mutual agreement for a specified time, so that you may
devote yourselves to prayer" (1 Cor 7:5 NET). Unmarried people are
advised to remain single, although Paul is careful to say that marriage
was not a sin (1 Cor 7:25-31), and although widows may remarry if they
wish, Paul thinks they will be happier if they do not.
In short, Paul reiterates
Jesus' instructions that couples were not to get divorced.
The Old Testament bluntly
expresses God's views on divorce:
Mal 2:16 "For I hate
divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his
garment with wrong," says the Lord of hosts. "So take heed to your
spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." NASU
The
only circumstances when re-marriage appears to be permissible is when
one of the spouses has died.
1 Cor 7:39 A wife is
bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is
free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. NASU
Rom 7:2-3
2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is
living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law
concerning the husband. 3 So then, if while her husband is living
she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but
if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an
adulteress though she is joined to another man.
NASU
These passages clearly
show that extra-marital sex as sin. Jesus said that marriage was God
joining a man and a woman together. Extra-marital sex tears that bond
apart, so much so that sometimes divorce is inevitable. However, even
after divorce, the original marriage is the only one recognised by God,
who sees sexual relations in the new marriage as adultery.
Marriage is a picture of our relationship with
God
God is
described as a jealous God who will tolerate no other God before Him.
Ex 34:14 for you shall
not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a
jealous God NASU
His relationship with us
is frequently portrayed in marital terms. God's people are to worship
him alone, just as each husband or wife is married to one person alone.
Each husband or wife keeps themselves exclusively for one person, and
each believer keeps himself exclusively for the one true God.
Isa 54:5 "For your
husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your
Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the
earth. NASU
Hos 2:19-20
19 "I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me
in righteousness and in justice, In lovingkindness and in
compassion, 20 And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then
you will know the Lord.
NASU
Jesus, who is the
manifestation of God, is also described in these terms
Rom 7:4 Therefore, my
brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of
Christ, so that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised
from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. NASU
Just as husbands and wives are to be totally and
exclusively committed to each other, believers are to be totally and
exclusively committed to Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour.
‘Every one that has forsaken wives…’
The Family teaches that God may require his followers to
forsake their marriages in order to obey him. This teaching is based
upon verses like Luke 18:29 and Matthew 19:29.
Luke 18:29-30
29 And He said to them, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has
left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake
of the kingdom of God, 30 who will not receive many times as much at
this time and in the age to come, eternal life."
NASU
Matt 19:29 "And everyone who has left houses or
brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My
name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit
eternal life. NASU
In these verses, Jesus stressed the importance of the
Kingdom of God, and said that God would certainly reward sacrifice.
However, he did not minimise marriage or suggest that believers may
divorce their spouses in order to serve God. In fact, in the same
chapter (Matthew 19) as he proclaims God's blessing on such sacrifice,
he blesses the sanctity and holiness of marriage:
Matt 19:4-6
4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created
them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, 'FOR
THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO
HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? 6 "So they are no
longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together,
let no man separate."
NASU
In the same chapter he condemns divorce:
Matt 19:7-9
7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A
CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" 8 He said to them,
"Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce
your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 "And
I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and
marries another woman commits adultery."
NASU
In
the same chapter, Jesus gives three reasons for
remaining unmarried: medical problems, forced castration and
self-imposed celibacy.
Matt 19:10-12
10 The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with
his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." 11 But He said to
them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom
it has been given. 12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way
from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made
eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves
eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to
accept this, let him accept it."
NASU
And in the same
chapter, Jesus reaffirms the commandment against extra-marital sex:
Matt 19:18 Then he said to Him, "Which ones?" And
Jesus said, "YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER; YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT
ADULTERY; YOU SHALL NOT STEAL; YOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS;
NASU
In other words, Jesus said the only alternative to
marriage is celibacy.
Paul said the same thing:
1 Cor 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you
wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. NASU
This verse is translated in different ways, and is
notoriously difficult to interpret.
1 Cor 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is
good for a man not to marry. NIV
1 Cor 7:1 Now regarding the questions you asked in
your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. NLT
1 Cor 7:1
Now with regard to the issues you wrote about: “It is good for a man
not to have sexual relations with a woman.” NET
Regardless of the different translations, there is no
ambiguity over Paul's attitude to extra-marital sex: believers are not
to do it. God has provided a means for people to be able to enjoy sex,
and this is called marriage.
1 Cor 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man is to
have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. NASU
1 Cor 7:2 But since there is so much immorality, each
man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. NIV
1 Cor 7:2 But because of the temptation to
immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own
husband. RSV
Marriage is God’s solution to man’s sexual cravings.
1 Cor 7:9 But if they do not have self-control, let
them get married. For it is better to marry than to burn with sexual
desire. NET
Conclusion
To sum up, marriage is a beautiful and powerful gift of God intended as
a representation or reflection of our relationship with Him. We are to
love Him alone, and we are to love our spouse alone. We are to pray to
and receive power from Him alone and give ourselves
only to Him, and we are not to have any sex outside of marriage. We are
to commit to Him alone, and in return He gives us an eternal gift of
life, and our marriage is to be for life. Marriage is a sacred treasure,
a holy joy, a gift of God, but the Family appears to have lost
much of its beauty and holiness.
Marriage is intended by God to be for life. God hates
divorce because it destroys the representation each marriage is of a
believer united to Him and Him alone. All sex outside of marriage is
sin. In fact, Jesus indicated that sex outside of the original
marriage is also sin. Once a couple is married, they are not to engage
in any sexual activity whatsoever with anyone other than their
husband or wife. Those who are not married are to remain celibate.
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